How to Murder your Spouse and Get Away with it

  1. Make sure you have adequate Health Insurance. Buy any supplemental insurance you can find that pays all your out-of-pocket medical expenses. (You might also want to increase your spouses life insurance, but this can sometimes be a giveaway.)
  2. Go to the web site. Print off all the information you can find about vitamin C and make sure your spouse reads it. Also, purchase the GREAT VITAMIN C HOAX Video. Find reprints of the April 9 1998 New York Times articles by Jane Brody that report on a Nature article that says 500 mg of vitamin C may damage DNA.
  3. At the dinner table, constantly tell your spouse how concerned you are about vitamins, especially vitamin C. Complain about how much they cost. Mention that the vitamin industry is run by a bunch of robber barons. Say things like if the vitamin hype were true, medical doctors would dispense vitamins, yet they never do. Etc. Compare the "vitamin nuts" to "UFO nuts".
  4. Avoid meats, leafy green vegetables, fruits and vegetables. Suggest a lot of highly processed junk food instead. The more something is cooked, the better.
  5. Eat more ordinary sugar.
  6. Starting asking for or preparing dinners high in "polyunsaturated" fats pointing out how dangerous butter and other "saturated" fats are.
  7. Very Important. Go through the house and throw away all vitamin tablets. (Really, just hide them for yourself.) For a quick death, you want to make sure your spouse doesn't get any supplemental vitamin C.
  8. Increase the stress level in the home. (e.g., Pretend you have lost big in the stock market. Or have your mother or some other obnoxious relative come stay with you for a long visit.)
  9. Make sure your spouse doesn't use the internet. Keep them away from alternative medical sites, especially or

If you follow these steps you will be a widow or widower in a matter of months. And you will commit murder and escape scot free!